I got a haircut today.
It was very nervewracking, sitting in the chair, while the stylist busily snipped away at my long hair. Id peek down occasionally to see the pile of hair growing bigger. Eep. I haven’t had short hair in a looooong while, so this was a big change for me.
But when she was done, and I saw my reflection in the mirror for the first time, I LOVED IT! All my worries went away, and I couldn’t stop grinning. My hair felt so much lighter, and with all the weight off, my natural waves stood out more.
I also went to confession today.
I think that was even more nervewracking than the haircut.
I’m already nervous when I go to confession, but today the nerves were worse. Not really sure why, but I kept wanting to run away than face the priest. When I finally got into the confessional, my hands were shaking so bad. The confession got deep, and subjects were touched on that I prefer to keep buried. I was in tears at the end of it. Not because the priest was mean; he wasn’t mean at all. He was very nice.
I cried because through the graces of confession, I could feel the layers being stripped away. My soul had never felt so light, so free before. I was used to feeling lighter after confession already, because I wasn’t weighed down by my sins anymore. This time, I was practically floating on air, I felt so light. Not only were my sins gone, but the burdens I carried around from the buried subjects had been unearthed, and I realized that I carried those burdens unnecessarily. All they did was weigh me down and cause me to hurt when I didn’t need to.
Today kicks off the Year of Faith in the Catholic Church. Pope Benedict XVI has called for this Year of Faith to invite all Catholics to an “an authentic and renewed conversion to the Lord, the one Saviour of the world” (Apostolic Letter, Porta Fidei, 6). I never planned on my a-hah moment happening on the same day, but God likes to knock me upside the head with these sort of things apparently.
Those who know me well may or may not be aware that this Saturday marks a year since I had my faith shaken and all the lies stripped away. I’ve spent this year recovering and rebuilding my faith and my life. It’s getting better, but there are still rough spots. I’ve had to force myself to blog at all this past year, just because I was so disheartened with what happened. (And I’m still not ready to talk about what happened, let alone even think about blogging about it). This blog was made to do 3 things: to chronicle my journey of converting to Catholicism, to give me a space to blog about my ADD, depression, anxiety, and other assorted issues, and to give me a way to reach out to anyone who might be going through something I’ve dealt with, and offer what help I can.
So this entry marks a fresh start:
A fresh start in my faith as I dive in headfirst to all it means to be Catholic. I’m returning to the basic building blocks at first, and building from there. I learned so much from RCIA, but I know there’s a ton more to learn. I’m hoping to have some of my #Cathsorority sisters help out with some guest posts later on lol! (hint hint yall 😉 ) Don’t worry I’ll provide details later….once I get them all worked out in my head.
A fresh start in my life as I wrangle with all my 3 letter problems. With the help of Kort @ Heart Shaped Stone, I’ve developed what I’m calling Flight School. Flight School is my way to get organized, not only around the house, but organize my time and finances as well.
A fresh start in this blog as I take it back to what it was meant to be. I’ve come to realize that I may never have a huge following like some other blogs. *shrug* If God uses my writing to reach one other person and help them, then I’m satisfied. I haven’t decided whether or not to take down the older posts or to leave them. They’re from a very rough time in my life, and the person I was in those posts was deceived. Even the ones after I realized what was going on, I had to force myself to sit down and write them. I don’t think they reflect myself and this blog very accurately.
I think a fresh start is just what I need. Peel away all the layers and let the real me fly finally.
Much love in Christ,
PS: Because I figure some of you will want to see the new hairdo, ta-dah!
But just ignore the red face, kplzthx? Kort and I went to the fair the day before this was taken….and I forgot sunscreen….again. *facepalm*